i cant believe i was so stupid as to believe wot he said to me...
wen i needed him the most, he wasnt there. but the fact he culdnt actually tell me that? that was harsh.
i wish boys didnt lie to me. its like their favorite past-time, tho. see who can hurt me the most, u kno? i often think about giving up on relationships and stuff. but then again, im too scared *not* to b in one. im a vry needy person. i need constant TLC, and thats wot kills me. really, tho, i think i just want to b able to go thru my day *knowing* that som1 really loves me. not just bc im family, not just as a friend, but actually loves me, and cares for me, and wants to b with me.
but, boys like that dont exist in real life.
only in fairy tales and disney movies.
and i was just luky enuff to not b born into either one of those. damnit.
so, i dont really feel like nightschool nemore. being at school from noon to 5 is awful. i just get so unfocused by the end of the day, u kno?
im still unfocused ><
becca's coming home tomorrow =]
might go celebrate her return, then go to the valley hotel.. =P i almost feel bad about it, tho, bc i did promise jake i wuldnt. but after the shit he pulled?
give me one good reason to.
she wants me to. and she actually gives a damn. she doesnt lie to me. he does. so who shuld i want to please more?
god, im like a puppy.
a lost one.
the nicest person to me gets total devotion.
i mean, maybe if he had handled it better, like told me the truth, or talked to me, or somthing, i wuldnt b so upset.
but i think how he handled it shows a lot about who he is, really. not just who he wanted me to think he was.
neways. enuff feeling sorry for myself for one nite?
November 29, 2004 09:01 PM PST
I'll be looking for my book, "Perfect Responses for Every Situation, Revised Edition".
Let's hope I find it.
In the meantime, don't feel sorry for yourself. you're not the only person who's gone through this and you won't be the last. You're not alone.
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